The IFS Dating & Matchmaking Process
There are two ways to begin — both start with completing a free, confidential profile in the database via the "Start Here" button in the upper right.
One option is to stay in a passive search: we'll reach out if you're a match for a paying client.
The other option is working together directly. Once your profile is complete, we'll schedule a free 15-minute call.
Free 15-Minute Call
Available once your profile is complete.
With this call, I'll ask about what's actually been happening in your dating life: what's working, what isn't, what you've already tried — and how discouraging some of that has probably felt.
None of that means something's wrong with you.
It usually just means you likely haven't yet had someone vet potential matches for you — and/or that you likely haven't yet noticed or built relationships with the parts of you who have been getting in your own way — such as anxious, ashamed, critical, defensive, freezing-up, people-pleasing, and/or shutting-down parts.
Yet I know deeply, from my experience as an IFS therapist and IFIO couples therapist, that it's genuinely possible to listen to the messages of our parts, instead of becoming them.
A people-pleasing part, for example, is often a trauma response — this tender part usually needs safety and confidence to speak up, rather than continuing to give beyond its capacity to fend off others’ reactivity.
Most people start to notice these parts more clearly just from my asking the right questions, before I ever say a word about what I think.
From there, we figure out together which path actually fits: IFS Dating Profile Review, IFS Relational Wealth, or IFS Matchmaking. Sometimes it's one. Sometimes it's more than one. And I don't think I'm the right fit for where you are, I'll tell you that too.
Choice Point
If it feels like a fit, we'll move forward with whichever service makes the most sense for you — IFS Relational Wealth, IFS Dating Profile Review, or IFS Matchmaking.
If it's not the right time, or not the right fit, you're always welcome to stay in the free database — no pressure, no cost, and the door stays open for later.
IFS Dating Profile Review
$100/30 minute session
I’ll show you what’s missing from your dating profile - through the eyes of a matchmaker and a couples therapist.
And not merely better photos; instead, a candid read on what might be working against you, including how your parts are showing up and responding to others.
IFS Relational Wealth
$250/45 minute session or $200/session as a 5-session package
I’ll help you notice and build relationships with the parts of you who were getting in your own way in past dates or relationships.
I’ll especially help you speak for your parts and their needs, rather than from them, and via Nonviolent Communication - so you can access the calm, ease, and confidence of your Self-energy instead.
IFS Matchmaking Consultation
$200/90 minutes
I’ll learn about your relationship history during this 90-minute intake session, and help you gain clarity on your parts’ unmet needs — and which ones you’d like a partner to help you meet.
This fee is for the consultation itself; we’ll explore IFS Matchmaking fees here, based on your desire number of introductions, length of service, geographic search, and my depth of vetting potential matches.
Introductions to Potential Matches
This step is available if you decide to proceed with IFS Matchmaking.
First I vet each potential match for you based on emotional, financial, intellectual, & spiritual compatibility.
Next I vet each potential match based their parts, not just their stated values — which may not align with their behavior.
Then I also curate each date and prepare you and your parts for it before, during, and after.
I also help you cultivate both curiosity and flexibility about a potential match who might not be who your parts are assuming is most compatible for you — yet very well could be.
Post-Date Sessions
Also available if you decide to proceed with IFS Matchmaking. I help you notice what activated your parts before, during, and after each date, and map where they showed up in your nervous system, what they were telling you, and how they felt emotionally.
As we listen to their messages, we find out what they need going forward, in general, as well as if they want another date with the same person and/or a different potential match.
I will also provide and discuss with you with feedback I receive from the other person — which you wouldn’t otherwise have.