How I Can Help
Do you keep doing the same thing over and over - hoping for different results ("It's the app, I need to switch to………..!", "There's no one local I'm interested in despite going on tons of dates", "I've gone out on so many dates, yet they just fall apart when I'm interested and I don't know why") - yet are not experiencing different results?
You've come to the right place.
The IFS Approach
IFS Dating & Matchmaking is a space to grow our self-awareness and self-love, by relating to our inner system of parts. This can result in us being much more Self-led, rather than parts-led, on the dating journey - with better inner relationships for better outer relationships.
My IFS Dating & Matchmaking services, be they the IFS Dating Pool, Dating Coaching, Matchmaking, and/or Relationship Coaching, can help you identify, relate to, and speak for your parts who show up in dating - so that you can experience more ease, regular U-turns in the dating journey, and be more Self-led.
How It Works - An Example
IFS is a way to hold ourselves with care and compassion before asking others to do so as well. For example, I help IFS Dating Coaching clients notice and begin dialoguing with parts of themselves who get in their own way, such as ignoring a pattern of potential red flags, not speaking up in the face of what feels like a boundary violation from the other person, and/or sabotaging themselves on dates by being critical, defensive, and/or emotionally unavailable.
I've then guided clients to listen compassionately to this self-sabotaging part's unmet needs—such as its need for acceptance, connection, security, etc. What we often learn from parts is that the ways they go about trying to meet their needs unfortunately often creates the very thing they fear.
In the case of a part who self-sabotages on dates, the result may be feeling less accepted after being critical, more disconnected after being defensive, and less secure after demonstrating they are emotionally unavailable. Next, the client helps the part heal its burden, such as feeling unlovable, not enough, too much, etc. So then the client’s part then has it needs met internally, resulting it the client expressing their needs very different externally with others.
As the Process Continues…
Once clients are regularly dialoguing with the parts of themselves, their parts become more open to another way of having their needs met, such as the client's Self energy (our inner resource of clarity, confidence, ease, etc.) leading the way, with very different results, such as showing up with clarity, confidence, courage, and curiosity about the other person — as well as curiosity about what is happening inside of them with the other person - and greater dating success.
Matchmaking
For those who need help in finding someone off the apps who is truly compatible, I can help further with the IFS Dating & Matchmaking service. In this private and confidential service, I personally recruit and vet potential matches for you, with curated dates, post-date processing, and action plans for going forward.
Should you need IFS Dating & Matchmaking: Relationship Coaching service to continue being Self-led into the relationship, in order to prevent the loss of sparks, clarify if and how your mutual needs are being met, nip conflict in the bud before it becomes "that thing we do", and/or practice resolving conflict for greater long-term relationship success, I'm here for you in that regard as well.