How I Can Help

Are you and your parts dating — and potentially drowning in what seemed like an endless ocean of potential partners — yet left feeling aggravated, exasperated, and hopeless? Do you suspect you may have some repetition compulsion going on and keep doing the same thing over and over -- hoping for different results (“It’s the app, I need to switch to ___!”, “There’s no one local I’m interested in despite going on tons of dates”, “I’ve gone out on so many dates, yet they just fall apart when I’m interested and I don’t know why” -- yet are not experiencing different results?

Do you fear that if you quit dating apps, you will never meet anyone given you aren’t meeting people in person, you aren’t ready to hire a matchmaker, and your friends aren’t setting you up with people? Perhaps you have never again parts, parts unaware who eclipse you on dates, parts who become reactive after in your follow-up, etc. Parts who otherwise self-sabotage your dating?

You’ve come to the right place. This IFS Dating & Matchmaking Lab™ is a space to explore how relating to our inner system can help us be more Self-led, rather than parts-led, on the dating journey -- with better inner relationships for better outer relationships. My IFS Dating & Matchmaking Lab™services, be they the Community, Dating Coaching, Matchmaking, and/or Relationship Coaching, can help you identify, relate to, and speak for your parts who show up in dating -- so that you can experience more ease, regular U-turns in the dating journey, and be more Self-led.

For example, help IFS Dating & Matchmaking Lab™: Coaching clients notice and begin dialoguing with parts of themselves who get in their own way, such as by not seeing potential red flags, and/or sabotaging themselves on dates by being critical, defensive, and/or emotionally unavailable. I've then guided clients to listen to this self-sabotaging part's unmet needs -- such as its need for acceptance, connection, security, etc. What we often learn from parts is that the ways they go about trying to meet their needs unfortunately often creates the very thing they fear.

In the case of a part who self-sabotages on dates, the result may be feeling less accepted after being critical, more disconnected after being defensive, and less secure after demonstrating they are emotionally unavailable.

Once clients are regularly dialoguing with the parts of themselves, their parts become more open to another way of having their needs met, such as the client's Self energy (our inner resource of clarity, confidence, ease, etc.) leading the way, with very different results, such as showing up with clarity, confidence, courage, and curiosity about the other person as well as curiosity about what is happening inside of them with the other person -- and greater dating success.

And for those IFS Dating & Matchmaking Lab™: Coaching clients (or those who can verify they are working with an IFS Therapist) who wish to continue the journey, I can help further with IFS Dating & Matchmaking Lab™: Matchmaking.

Then you enter in a private pool of potential matches and/or are matched with someone I personally recruit and vet for you, with curated dates, post-date processing, and action plans for going forward.

Should you want IFS Dating & Matchmaking Lab™: Relationship Coaching to be continue being Self-led into the relationship, in order to prevent the loss of sparks, clarify if and how your mutual needs are being met, nip conflict in the bud before it becomes “that thing we do”, and/or practice resolving conflict for greater long-term relationship success, I’m here for you in that regard as well.